Babysitting/Maid Course

starting from today, i've become a babysitter/maid kt umah nenek since nobody else available to take care of the house. aunty kene pi jaga nenek kt hospital. hard work! esp the baby girl julia (>_<) tp solution senang je. klu bg susu die xmo, pampers pon xde yg mencurigakan :P maka dgn itu, kene la msk kn die dlm boyan bg tidoq...wuuu~

lg 2 kezen tu ok la kot...keje menyepah je tp still dlm tahap terkawal. ugut xbley men tenet je trus dgr ckp...lolol!

anywayz, hari ni dpt a little gud news dr aunty. she called saying dat nenek da improve sket. maybe today boleh keluarkan tiub bantuan oksigen and demam pon da krg sket (^_^) just hoping that kali ni not temporary mcm hari tu. got better but then tibe2 became much more worse with the asthma attack...

mama blk smalam cite smthng funny psl nenek. since she can't talk, aunty ngan mama bg pen and buku for her to write down anything. ade 1 tyme to she wrote "piah x picit". piah would be her daughter-in-law. it seems she tak picit nenek's kaki...hahaha~ nenek ni...tgh2 sakit ni pon bley komplen psl her menantu...klaka btol..but at least this means that her brain is working...alhamdulillah~

Emotional Week

da 4 hari since my last post. too emotional to blog...ari ni da ok sket...

monday was my worst nightmare. nenek tiba2 sesak nafas on my watch. i remember clearly it was 3.50pm and she baru je minom petang while sum trainee nurses buat checkup tekanan darah on her. i panicked. i looked at the nurse instructor (whom i tot was a doctor), but she just look at me back. den die suh pggl nurse kt kaunter depan...after dat, they checked and the doctor came...den ask me to keluar sekejap and closed the curtain. hati da gelisah.

i just waited by the curtain and sumtimez peeked to see wut they are doing. den i saw nenek looked at me as if asking me to stay by her side. she's scared. at dat tyme, i couldn't help but cried...bile da calm sket, i went back near the curtain. i tried to be calm and strong for her to see...so dat she won't be scared. tp again, wen i saw her...i cried even worse...went to the bathroom and cried my heart out...seeing her in pain and scared really breaks my heart...

after about an hour, doctor sed dat she has asthma attack. she can't relax and hard to breath. if her condition is still the same after a while, the doctor nak put her to sleep so dat she's more relax. if still the same, have to msk CCU...

i call mama to inform her. but the words can't seem to come out of my mouth. i juz say..."mama, can u come now? nenek..." i know if i say more i'll cry rite there and then. but i know i can't. i have to be strong coz nenek is just in front of me. i have to hug her to assure her that everything is going to be ok...bile mama tny "why?" a few times and i didn't say anything...she understood...and say she'll be there rite away...

i continued to hug nenek but den suddenly the doctor suruh tggu luar again. i panicked again. i tot she da ok tp it seems not. luckily my neighbour came and borak2 wit me to get me distracted. but still, jus for a while. at times, i started crying again...my imagination ran wild about things that could happen to nenek. i started to blame myself. maybe the food i gave her made her this way. maybe because i turn the fan on too fast...maybe because i fell asleep just now...i shouldn't have fallen asleep...bile bgn td, she da minom ptg. i felt guilty...

after a while, one by one...family members dtg...but since there are too many of us, sume kene kluar from the wad.while waiting outside, aunty told us that nenek kene pindah ke hospital seremban. sementara tu, msk CCU and wait for a machine that could help nenek breath called ventilator. SOMEHOW! the hospital dun have the machine. so called seremban hospital but it seems the machine is occupied. have to wait another 20 minutes to see if there's another machine that's available. tot of using ventilator from a private hospital tp 1 day it'll cost about RM1000...crazily expensive!

so we waited outside the CCU and suddenly my aunty came out crying loudly...in malay, more like meraung...it seems the doctor suruh family members say their last words to nenek juz in case she can't make it...everyone went in two by two...but i didn't dare to go inside to see her. i know if went in, i'll break down...so, i went to sit a little bit far from the crowd and cry....

biase la klu keadaan mcm ni...sume org sensitif. out of the blue, papa suh kite balik to makan and freshen up. he sed being miserable here doesn't help nenek. might as well go back home and makan and freshen up. mase tu, sakit hati sgt...he's saying nenek takkan apa2 klu kite blk sekejap. TAPI KAN! wut if sum thing DID happen?? RITE?? tp i didn't say anything la tyme tu. biadap plak nnt...

so we went to eat and went home. lps mandi, i cooled down a bit. i prayed for isya' and doa spy nenek cpt sembuh. tp i'm not satisfied. rase mcm i could do more for her. i cri blk buku solat sunat yg nenek bagi dlu and i found my topik. "Solat Sunat Hajat". byk cara rupanya. not easy to execute. needs fokus and determination. but i tot, this is the least that i could do for her. klu nk di bandingkan with wut she did for me...mmg tak terbanding. tp kene tggu midnite...

while waiting for midnite, tot i should watch tv so dat i won't imagine unnecessary things. on the way down, suddenly dgr mama crying...blaming herself for wuts happening...td she ok jer. i guess she tries to be strong for me...i should be doing the same for her...

niat nak tgk tv langsung da hilang. i began to imagine things again. maybe she cried because she got a phone call about nenek...mebi she "went away". i started crying again. tp i stop myself cause the more i imagine things like that, takot it will really happen...papa ngan mama trun saying dey are going to seremban cause nenek da kene transfer there.

i started watching tv and lupa skejap bout nenek. wen midnite came, i went to pray and doa spy nenek cpt sembuh...give her strength to fight...keep repeating the same things and started to cry again...hoping Allah akan makbulkan doa...

the next day, mama ckp nenek kene kuarantin for H1N1 tp da ok sket from yesterday. i felt relieved. maybe Allah did hear my prayer last night...alhamdulillah~

today, she's still under kuarantin. result x kluar lg. ptg td was the 1st tyme i visited her since she pindah to seremban hospital. Her hands and legs kene ikat cause she's being restless. tried to pull out tubes and wires. ade tiub oksigen msk at her mouth and many places kene cucuk and lebam...she looked so pitiful. tp dis tyme i didn't cry. i dun know why. maybe i have faith. since solat aritu, i became calmer. i have to admit, i dun really do much of solat. i realize now that solat really helps to strengthen your faith. i hope i won't forget this lesson and continue to solat everyday...

nenek had a fever. so me and another lady wipe nenek's body with cold water to help cool the body temperature down...we can only see her during visiting hours. risau sgt klu she demam again during the night...but nothing we could do so we headed home...

mlm td papa ckp akan ade meteor shower. tggu punye tggu...x jugak muncul. kitorg siap argue lg arah mana north...lol! lps sejam tggu, kitorg givap. papa kene bgn awal nk men golf. i tot nk teman mama ngan aunty pi visit nenek lagi pagi ni kol 5am. tp xsure lg coz max 2 org je ley msk. tgk ar cmne nnt...hopefully nenek x demam...

kalau ade sesiapa yg baca post ni, klu boleh doakan nenek cepat sembut ye...terima kasih~

Bengang! (21+ sahaja: Mengandungi perkataan krg seswai utk umum)

hari ni rase bengang gile!

reason 1:

nenek admitted to hospital yesterday. kene pneumonia and asthma. seeing her having a hard time to breath really makes me want to cry. rase mcm nk pindah kan penyakit tu to me so dat she can relax and talk as usual. skang ni jarang sgt dgr suara nenek....

anyways, her sis wit hubby dtg melawat ard 2pm today. tatau la 2 org ni ade otak ke x...(pls excuse my words) tp siyes xley tahan ngan wut dey did kt hospital ptg td. talking about dis person just passed away yesterday, another person keluar msk hospital for so many penyakit, den another person plak sakit tua..blablabla..WTH! nk kata tak matang tp umo da tua pangkat atok nenek. tp dok ckp psl mati and sick people in front of a patient. sedara sndri plak tuh....mangkok btol...ade jugak org cenggini. nenek da la jenis sensitip. smlm nenek xmo admitted to hospital coz takot. tp bcoz mama, uncle ngan aunty nanges2 suh die msk...so die pon agree admitted to wad. xpsl2 plak 2 makhluk tuhan ni make the situation worse. atok baru je meninggal last year...can bear it if she follows his footsteps (T_T)

reason 2:

nurse hospital yang takde courtesy? or izit budi bahasa? otak da ade sbb bley jd nurse tp mungkin xgune. ade selimut yg dorg lipat elok2 kt ujong katil tu...nurse marah and sed xley tarik. bodo ke ape? klu pesakit sejuk, they are just suppose to put their feet under it and freeze? not even legs! just feet! what's the use of selimut then?? buat hiasan?? klu nak tegur pon, tegur la elok2...xyah nk tinggi2 sore...pesakit tu da la tgh sakit, dimarah2 plak...bodo punye manusia..

den mama lak citer, nurse ckp nenek kene pki pakaian pesakit je. xley pki seluar. she is feeling DAMN cold and she can't wear seluar and selimut...yang lagi sakit hati tu bile the nurse ckp klu nenek nk pki seluar, nnt bile doktor wat check up, nenek kene bukak seluar sndri...what kind of nurse behaves dat way??? ur suppose to take care of the patient but yet makes the patient's life miserable. drpd boley baek, becomes worse...all bcoz of their STUPID rules...

and 1 more thing...signboard tulis penjaga xley msk bcoz doktor tgh wat rounding doing checkups. tp ade 2,3 org chinese bley aje kluar msk wad tu. bila ditanya, guard ckp dorg xreti bahasa (>_<) totally speechless!